The following text is an excerpt from the memoir The Chimney Birds by Nuala Feenan. The adult narrator recalls a winter morning in childhood when a starling that had fallen down the chimney is trapped in the front room, and the family must decide how to free it.
The Chimney Birds
We were a house that birds fell into. It was the chimney that did it, a wide cold Victorian throat that swallowed the sky and now and then gave a piece of it back, and so my childhood is punctuated by mornings when we came down to find a starling loose in the front room, mad with the wrongness of walls.
I remember one in particular, the winter I was eight. It had come down in the night and beaten itself half senseless against the window, and by the time we found it the sill was dusted with the fine grey talc of its panic, and the bird itself sat in the corner of the curtain rail, tilted, one wing held wrong, watching us with an eye like a bead of black water.
My father wanted to open the window and let it find its own way. My mother wanted the cat shut in the kitchen and no fuss. I wanted, with the fierce and stupid love of a child, to hold it. To be the one it trusted. I had a picture of it sitting in my cupped hands, calmed, choosing me, and the picture was so bright in me that I climbed on a chair before anyone could stop me and reached up into the curtain.
What I learned, in the half second before it exploded past my face, was that a wild thing does not want your love and has no use for it. The bird went off like a wet firework. It was all around the room at once, a grey panic with a heartbeat, and it hit the glass, and hit it again, and something in me that had wanted to possess it broke open into something better, which was the simple animal wish for it to be all right.
My father opened the window. The cold came in like a held breath let go. And the bird found the gap almost before we saw it move, out over the frosted gardens, a dark stitch pulled quickly through the white morning and lost.