The Commentary Notes

IB English HL Essay (HLE) Grading Breakdown & Expanded Feedback (20/20)

Criterion A: Knowledge & Interpretation (5/5)

1. Depth of insight & interpretation
   1. The essay does more than just describe Griffiths’ photographs, it analyzes their impact, artistic techniques, and historical relevance.
   2. It moves beyond surface-level discussion by linking Griffiths’ work to broader themes of war propaganda, media influence, and moral corruption.
2. Engagement with the text & global significance
   1. Each paragraph incorporates detailed discussion of Griffiths’ specific images, ensuring close textual analysis.
   2. The essay connects Griffiths’ anti-war message to real-world contexts, making the argument more relevant and sophisticated.
3. Balancing Close & Wide Analysis
   1. The essay zooms in on specific photographs, explaining their composition, angles, lighting, and framing in depth.
   2. It zooms out to discuss how these choices reflect Griffiths’ wider message about war’s brutality and dehumanization.

Criterion B: Analysis & Evaluation (5/5)

1. Depth of Analysis of Literary & Visual Techniques
   1. The essay dissects Griffiths’ use of visual composition, contrast, perspective, and lighting.
   2. It does not just state what the images depict but how Griffiths manipulates visual elements to create meaning.
2. Evaluation of Meaning & Purpose
   1. The essay thoroughly examines Griffiths’ intentions, considering how his work opposes war glorification and subverts traditional war photography.
   2. It engages with multiple interpretations, recognizing how war’s paradox (violence vs. compassion) adds complexity to his message.
3. Consideration of Alternative Perspectives
   1. The essay acknowledges that Griffiths portrays both American soldiers and Vietnamese victims as casualties of war, rather than framing the conflict as purely one-sided.
   2. The discussion of soldiers’ psychological trauma and moral corruption adds nuance, rather than painting them as villains, it presents them as victims of a larger war machine.

Criterion C: Focus & Organization (5/5)

1. Clear & Logical Structure
   1. The essay follows a cohesive structure:
      1. Introduction: Clearly introduces Vietnam Inc., the Line of Inquiry (LOI), and key themes.
      2. Body Paragraphs: Each one explores a distinct aspect (children as victims, soldiers’ trauma, dehumanization, war paradox).
      3. Conclusion: Effectively ties together the discussion, reinforcing Griffiths’ anti-war stance.
2. Smooth Transitions Between Ideas
   1. Each section flows logically into the next, preventing jarring topic shifts.
   2. The juxtaposition of physical and psychological suffering builds a layered argument, reinforcing Griffiths’ critique of war.
3. Balanced Discussion
   1. No single idea overpowers the essay
   2. There is an even distribution of technique analysis, historical context, and artistic intent.

Criterion D: Language (5/5)

1. Sophisticated & Precise Academic Writing
   1. The essay avoids overly complex language while maintaining an elevated, analytical tone.
   2. The argument is persuasive, clearly articulated, and free from vague phrasing.
2. Strong Use of Terminology
   1. The essay integrates literary and visual analysis terms, such as:
      1. Composition, contrast, juxtaposition, framing, perspective, eye-level angle, lighting, high contrast, symbolic imagery.
      2. This precise terminology demonstrates expertise and enhances credibility.
3. Effective Sentence Structure & Flow
   1. Sentences are concise yet impactful, making complex ideas easy to follow.
   2. The essay avoids wordiness, repetition, or awkward phrasing.