IB Philosophy HL Internal Assessment Example

You clearly identified a philosophical issue and kept the essay anchored in a real ethical dilemma from the stimulus.

Your opening made the connection between the scenario and the ethical question explicit, which gave the response a focused direction.

You consistently returned to the stimulus when applying the theories, so the issue never felt detached from the case.

At points the issue shifts between killing, harm, murder, and suffering, which weakens precision.

The inquiry would be sharper if you distinguished defensive killing from general harm or future-oriented consequences.

Some of the ethical language broadens the problem too quickly instead of keeping one stable philosophical focus.

Your essay has a recognizable structure, moving from introduction to several philosopher comparisons and ending with a conclusion.

Headings and signposting make it easier to follow the progression of your argument.

You generally present your ideas in a sequence the reader can track, especially when moving from explanation to evaluation.

Some transitions are abrupt or a little awkward, which can interrupt the flow.

The essay becomes formulaic in places because the evaluative parts are shorter than the explanatory parts.

The repeated movement between different versions of the issue can make the overall line of argument less coherent.