English A Lang & Lit IA Exemplar: Herrera utilises symbolism to… | RevisionDojo
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IB English A Lang & Lit HL HL Essay Example
Herrera utilises symbolism to explore how journeys serve as a transformative experience that shapes one's identitySL
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7
Official IB Result
18/20
General feedback
18/20
0
10
20
No overall summary is available for this report.
5.1·Weakness
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The phrasing is repetitive and abstract, which weakens precision. The student should aim for more exact wording and fewer broad intensifiers such as “deep” and “significantly,” because analytical language is stronger when it names specific effects rather than amplifying them.
5.2·Suggestion
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Consider sharpening the thesis so it states the exact argument more directly. A more concise opening would make the direction of the essay clearer and help the later paragraphs feel more tightly controlled.
5.3·Strength
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The register is suitably academic and the sentence is clear, precise, and topic-focused. The student consistently uses literary-critical vocabulary in a way that fits the demands of a formal essay.
5.4·Weakness
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This sentence has awkward grammar and unclear phrasing, especially the singular verb with the plural subject and the repeated use of “represents.” Revising for syntactic clarity would make the argument much more fluent and persuasive.
5.5·Strength
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The student uses literary terminology appropriately and communicates a sophisticated idea in a mostly controlled formal style. The sentence is clear in intent and maintains the tone expected of an analytical essay.
5.6·Strength
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The quotation is well chosen and then used to advance the paragraph’s claim about authority. This is a strong example of supporting evidence being embedded into the argument rather than left to stand on its own.
5.7·Weakness
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The conclusion becomes generic here and moves away from the essay’s specific line of inquiry. The student should end by returning to the most precise insights about Makina, thresholds, and language, rather than broad statements about the “human condition.”
5.8·Suggestion
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The conclusion would be stronger if it were more precise about Makina’s actual movement and more analytically specific about what has been proven. Tightening the final summary would improve both accuracy and style.
Criteria A: Knowledge, Understanding and Interpretation
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3
5
Criteria StrandsPro
A.1Knowledge and understanding of the work/text
Good
A.2Use of references and textual support
Excellent
Criteria Feedback
The student shows clear knowledge of Makina’s journey, the border setting, and the novella’s recurring imagery of thresholds and transformation.
The student uses a substantial range of relevant quotations and examples to support their reading.
The student's interpretation consistently connects setting and symbolism to Makina’s changing identity.
The student's reading sometimes simplifies the novella into a straightforward Mexico-versus-United States contrast.
Some conclusions are a little too absolute and do not fully reflect the text’s ambiguity.
A few details and interpretations would be stronger if they acknowledged the wider complexity of language, power, and identity.
1.1·Weakness
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The student simplifies the novella into a one-directional contrast between Mexico and the USA. This misses some of Herrera’s more unsettling complexity, especially the way both places can feel unstable or morally compromised. A more nuanced interpretation would strengthen the understanding of the text.
1.2·Strength
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The student goes beyond identifying imagery and connects it to Makina’s characterisation. That link between setting and identity is productive because it shows how textual detail can support a broader interpretation of development.
1.3·Strength
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The student establishes a clear and relevant conceptual focus from the outset, linking journey, identity, and symbolism to the novella. This gives the essay a coherent interpretive direction that can be sustained across the body paragraphs.
1.4·Question
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What evidence suggests that this uniformity should be read as genuine stability and safety rather than another form of emptiness or alienation? Considering that question could lead to a more nuanced reading of the United States in the novella.
1.5·Strength
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The student chooses a precise quotation and links it to a clear interpretive point about danger and threat. This is effective textual support because the image is analysed in relation to Herrera’s characterization rather than left as isolated evidence.
1.6·Weakness
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This claim is too absolute and slightly imprecise. The essay would be stronger if it acknowledged that Makina’s identity is shaped not only by landscape but also by language, power relations, and cultural thresholds. Expanding the scope would give the interpretation more depth.
1.7·Weakness
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This conclusion is overstated. The interaction certainly pressures Makina, but the essay should avoid presenting one moment as complete proof that she has fully shed her former identity. A more cautious phrasing would better reflect the ambiguity of the scene and the complexity of her transformation.
1.8·Suggestion
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Consider exploring how the mirrored hall creates ambiguity rather than only fixed symbolism. The passage could support an argument about instability, transition, and doubled identity, which would make the analysis more convincing and less one-dimensional.
1.9·Strength
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The student effectively links language loss to identity, which is one of the novella’s most important ideas. This is a strong interpretive move because it shows awareness that Makina’s transformation is linguistic and cultural, not only spatial.
Criteria B: Analysis and Evaluation
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3
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Criteria StrandsPro
B.1Analysis of textual features and author's choices
Good
Criteria Feedback
The student identifies several important authorial choices, including imagery, contrast, zoomorphism, mirrors, thresholds, and sensory detail.
The student often moves beyond description and explains how these choices shape Makina’s experience and identity.
Some of the student's analytical moments bring together symbolism, language, and character in a convincing way.
At times the student explains the meaning of a feature too directly instead of unpacking how the language creates that meaning.
Several points remain a little repetitive or broad, with symbols sometimes treated as if they have only one clear interpretation.
The student's treatment of ambiguity could be stronger, especially in scenes that invite multiple readings rather than a single conclusion.
2.1·Question
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Why does Herrera describe the city as an “edgy arrangement” rather than simply as stable or safe? Considering the tense, artificial quality of the wording could lead to a more nuanced evaluation of what the city represents.
2.2·Strength
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The student moves beyond description by identifying a technique and explaining its effect. This is effective analysis because it connects the imagery to a broader pattern of threat and power in Herrera’s characterization.
2.3·Weakness
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This interpretation is asserted too directly. The student should explain how the diction, context, and narrative tone produce this effect rather than simply naming the meaning. More close analysis would make the claim feel earned rather than pre-decided.
2.4·Weakness
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The analysis remains broad here. Instead of restating that the image is symbolic, the student should unpack how the mirrored structure and circular movement destabilize normal perception. That would show deeper evaluation of Herrera’s craft.
2.5·Suggestion
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Consider integrating the secondary source more fully by explaining exactly how the Mesoamerican portal concept sharpens the reading of the mirrored hall. A brief comparison or synthesis would make the evaluation more substantive and less appended.
2.6·Weakness
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The claim is persuasive in direction but still a little final in tone. The student should acknowledge the ambiguity of rebirth imagery and explain why this passage implies transformation rather than simple resolution. That would make the evaluation more nuanced.
2.7·Strength
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This is one of the more convincing analytical moments because it synthesizes symbolism, language, and identity into a single interpretation. The student shows real awareness that Herrera’s choices work together rather than in isolation.
Criteria C: Focus, Organization and Development
5/5
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3
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Criteria StrandsPro
C.1Organization and development of ideas
Excellent
C.2Integration of supporting examples
Excellent
Criteria Feedback
The student's essay has a clear line of inquiry about how Makina’s journey shapes identity.
The student's paragraphs follow a logical sequence that is easy to follow.
The student's quotations are usually integrated into the discussion and used to advance their points.
Some transitions and recurring phrasing make parts of the essay feel repetitive.
The conclusion contains an inaccurate reversal of Makina’s movement, which weakens the final sense of coherence.
A few examples are introduced well but then developed in a fairly general way rather than in sustained detail.
3.1·Strength
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The essay has a clear organizing principle, and this sentence signals the three-part structure effectively. That makes the line of inquiry easy to follow because each body section connects back to Makina’s identity formation.
3.2·Weakness
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The repeated use of “forces” makes the argument feel repetitive and slightly overdetermined. Breaking the sentence into shorter parts and varying the phrasing would improve development and help the reasoning progress more smoothly.
3.3·Weakness
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This summary contains a factual reversal of Makina’s movement, which undermines the coherence of the essay’s line of inquiry. The student should correct this and ensure the conclusion accurately reflects the direction and logic of the journey discussed throughout the essay.
Criteria D: Language
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Criteria StrandsPro
D.1Language clarity and accuracy
Good
D.2Register and style appropriateness
Good
Criteria Feedback
The student's tone is suitably academic and consistently appropriate for a literary essay.
The student uses literary terminology confidently, which helps convey their ideas clearly.
The student's overall meaning is understandable and sustained across the essay.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased or grammatically loose, which reduces precision.
The student's style can become repetitive and overly emphatic, especially when they keep using similar evaluative phrases.
The integration of secondary material and citations is sometimes clumsy rather than smooth.
4.1·Strength
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The vocabulary is mature and appropriately academic, which helps the essay maintain a literary-critical tone. Terms such as “symbols,” “landscapes,” and “transformation” suit the task and support the formal register.
4.2·Weakness
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This sentence contains several awkward constructions and agreement issues, which reduce clarity. Revising for concision and grammatical precision would make the prose easier to follow and more polished.
4.3·Weakness
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The style here becomes somewhat explanatory and repetitive. The student should aim for more varied sentence openings and tighter expression so the prose sounds more controlled and less conversational.
4.4·Strength
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This sentence shows a strong command of literary vocabulary and an appropriately formal analytical style. The register matches the demands of the task and sustains the essay’s academic tone.
4.5·Weakness
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The source reference is not integrated smoothly into the sentence. The student should introduce secondary criticism with a complete grammatical frame so that the citation supports the argument rather than interrupting it.
4.6·Suggestion
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Consider replacing repeated abstractions like “readers recognise” and “challenge of navigating” with more direct, active wording. That would make the style sound more precise and confident.