IB Psychology SL Extended Essay Example

The question is understandable, but it is still too broad to guide a focused investigation. The student should define what “transition to adulthood” means here and specify which outcomes count as “impact” so the discussion can stay tightly aligned to the question.

The title clearly signals both the psychological focus and the developmental context, so the reader immediately understands the investigation’s general direction. This is a strong opening because it frames the topic before the discussion begins.

The opening claim is relevant, but it is phrased too generally for a method section-style discussion. The student should connect the study more explicitly to the exact population and outcome being investigated, rather than introducing the result in broad terms.

Consider narrowing this roadmap into one or two clearly defined outcomes, such as anxiety and emotional regulation in a specified age group. A tighter scope would make it easier to show a direct line between the research question, evidence, and conclusion.

Consider distinguishing between what the study directly reported and what is being inferred. Adding a brief sentence explaining why this subgroup figure matters for the research question would make the link between evidence and focus much clearer.

This limitation is plausible, but it remains quite general. The student should explain more precisely how the age of the data affects the research question— for example, by changing family structure, help-seeking behaviour, or transition experiences—so the limitation has analytic weight.

This definition gives the reader a clear psychological baseline before the argument turns to parental MDD. Using a direct definition at the start strengthens subject knowledge because later claims can be judged against a shared meaning.

This is too vague to establish precise subject understanding. The student should distinguish major depressive disorder from the broader category of depression and briefly justify why this diagnosis, rather than another depression type, is the right focus for the investigation.

This wording is scientifically too deterministic. The student should replace it with language that recognises probabilistic risk and the interaction between genetic vulnerability and environment, because depression cannot be reduced to a simple inherited cause.

The explanation of the Wald statistic is oversimplified and risks overstating what the number shows. The student should state the result more cautiously and, if possible, explain the direction of the association rather than implying that a higher Wald value directly measures resilience.

The student attempts to explain a statistical test rather than simply naming it, which shows awareness that evidence needs interpretation. That habit is useful because it helps the reader understand what the result means, not just that a result exists.

It would strengthen the conceptual clarity to define this developmental stage more precisely, for example by describing the age range or the specific markers of adulthood being used. That would make later claims about anxiety and self-regulation easier to interpret.

This is a strong sign of research quality because it identifies a longitudinal design rather than relying on a single snapshot. Long-term data are especially useful here because the question is about transition over time, not only a momentary effect.

This conclusion goes beyond what the evidence summary can securely prove. The student should avoid presenting transmission as direct causation unless the study design supports it and instead describe this as an observed association or elevated risk.

This is a good place to compare competing explanations more explicitly. The student could separate genetic, environmental, and relational pathways into a short evaluative paragraph to show which explanation the evidence supports most strongly.

The finding is relevant, but the analysis stops at reporting the result. The student should explain why warmth matters conceptually—perhaps by linking it to stress buffering, attachment, or emotional security—so the evidence becomes analytical rather than descriptive.

What evidence in the studies shows that transition-related stress causes the mental health problems, rather than simply coinciding with them? Reflecting on that distinction would make the argument more critical and methodologically careful.

This is a strong-sounding conclusion, but it needs more careful interpretation. The student should explain what comparison is being made and whether the study can separate parental depression from other family or socioeconomic influences before drawing a causal-sounding claim.

Consider briefly stating the review’s selection criteria or inclusion focus more precisely. That would help show why these sources are relevant and how the review reached its conclusions, rather than only listing the databases searched.

The academic-performance finding is relevant, but it is introduced rather abruptly and is not integrated back into the argument about transition to adulthood. The student should explain how this outcome fits the research question, or else omit it if it remains tangential.

This is a valuable evaluative statement because it avoids implying that parental MDD determines outcomes. That nuance strengthens the discussion by acknowledging that risk is probabilistic and that protective factors can interrupt the cycle.

The contents page should accurately match the actual page location of each section. If the listed page number does not correspond to the conclusion’s real location, the student should correct it so the document is easier to use and appears more carefully checked.

The report includes the expected front matter and section sequencing, which makes it easy to navigate. A clear contents page is especially useful in a longer investigation because it helps the reader follow the argument structure.

A small but important improvement would be to correct the wording to “affects” and keep the section headings parallel in style. Consistent academic phrasing and formatting make the report look more polished and easier to scan.

The bibliography is present, which is good, but the entries need more consistent referencing style and completeness. The student should ensure every source is formatted in one citation system and that each in-text citation can be matched clearly to a full reference.

Consider standardising entries like this one so the journal title, volume, issue, page range, and DOI are all consistently included. A fully conventional bibliography improves academic credibility and makes source-checking much easier.

This reference looks incomplete and inconsistently formatted. The student should make sure all online sources include the same essential details and that the title is not split or shortened, because incomplete references weaken source traceability.