IB Philosophy SL Extended Essay Example

You state a clear research question and keep returning to it throughout the essay.

You explain the philosophical issue accurately and show how the different punishment models relate to determinism.

You use a range of relevant sources and generally select theorists that fit the inquiry well.

Your question is still quite broad, so the comparison sometimes feels wider than necessary.

The criteria for judging whether an approach is ethical are not defined tightly enough at the outset.

The methodology would be stronger if you explained more explicitly why each source was chosen and how the comparison was being carried out.

You show solid understanding of the main philosophical positions and use the key terms mostly accurately.

You apply source material in a relevant way, especially when explaining Beccaria, Caruso, and Borbón.

Your treatment of the theories is generally coherent and shows that you understand the basic debate rather than simply summarizing it.

Some concepts are treated too quickly as if they automatically follow from determinism, free will skepticism, and the loss of moral responsibility.

A few claims would benefit from more careful distinctions, especially where philosophical and empirical points are mixed together.

Your use of evidence would be more convincing if the empirical support were broader and more clearly explained.