This site uses cookie tracking technologies. Learn more in our Cookie Policy.
English B Extended Essay Exemplar: Barbie Design and American Beauty… | RevisionDojo
Loading document preview...
IB English B SL Extended Essay Example
To what extent does the evolving design of the Barbie doll such as physical design, body proportions, and racial representation reflect American ideals of female beauty standards, from the 1980s to the present day?SL
C
Official IB Result
14/34
Was this exemplar helpful?
Want a report just like this?
Free mini report for your own coursework
Fast feedback on what to improve next
Annotated highlights on your writing
Criteria A: Focus and Method
3/6
0
3
6
Criteria Strands
A.1Topic communication and appropriateness
Moderate
A.2Research question clarity and focus
Moderate
A.3Methodology completeness
Poor
Criteria Feedback
Topic and purpose are clearly stated, with key concepts (body proportions, racial representation) and timeframe defined
Research question is explicitly presented and anchored to the investigation’s scope
Some informed selection of primary and secondary sources is evident
Language is occasionally awkward and digressive, weakening precision
Methodology remains largely descriptive with no systematic explanation of selection/evaluation criteria
Citation style is inconsistent, and justification for chosen decades is limited
1.1·Strength
Page 1• Click to view
The research question is explicitly stated and aligns with the investigation’s focus from the 1980s to the present. This provides a clear anchor for subsequent analysis.
1.2·Suggestion
Page 1• Click to view
To improve focus, streamline the research question by removing duplicated phrases and clarifying one key clause to sharpen scope and avoid redundancy.
1.3·Weakness
Page 3• Click to view
The abstract outlines the general topic but is overly descriptive and lacks explicit mention of methodology or key findings. Aim to summarize the approach and results concisely.
1.4·Suggestion
Page 3• Click to view
Refine the abstract to include specific methods (e.g., comparative visual analysis) and a succinct preview of conclusions to strengthen the overview.
1.5·Suggestion
Page 4• Click to view
The introduction asserts the timeframe choice but provides limited justification. Elaborate on why the 1980s mark a pivotal shift in American beauty standards.
1.6·Suggestion
Page 5• Click to view
The hypothesis statement is clear but broad. Specify the variables—body proportions, racial representation—and articulate expected relationships to sharpen focus.
1.7·Suggestion
Page 11• Click to view
The social media trends discussion on influencers and adverts is interesting but only tangentially related to Barbie design. Explicitly link these trends back to Barbie’s marketing or design decisions.
1.8·Strength
Page 21• Click to view
Reflecting on refining the research question demonstrates thoughtful engagement and shows the student’s ability to respond to feedback and narrow scope effectively.
Criteria B: Knowledge and Understanding
3/6
0
3
6
Criteria Strands
B.1Application of source material
Moderate
B.2Subject knowledge
Moderate
B.3Use of terminology and concepts
Poor
Criteria Feedback
Integration of a variety of relevant sources, including peer-reviewed studies and primary visuals, supports the discussion
Subject knowledge is coherent, summarizing historical shifts and linking them to Barbie lines
Use of a clear visual (Figure 1) enhances understanding and context
Key terms (“body positivity,” “Eurocentric”) lack clear definitions and are sometimes conflated
Some factual generalizations and inconsistent citation notation undermine academic rigor
Rationale for source selection is often implicit rather than explicit
2.1·Weakness
Page 5• Click to view
The choice of Dittmar et al. and Inspiring Women series is relevant but lacks rationale. Explain why these sources were selected and how they will inform the analysis.
2.2·Suggestion
Page 7• Click to view
The claim that traditional Barbies negatively impact self-esteem cites two studies but omits details on methodology and sample characteristics. Provide more context to strengthen the argument.
2.3·Strength
Page 12• Click to view
Figure 1 is a clear visual of the Dolls of the World line and enhances primary-source analysis through its caption and contextual description.
Criteria C: Critical Thinking
4/12
0
6
12
Criteria Strands
C.1Research quality
Poor
C.2Analysis depth
Poor
C.3Discussion and evaluation
Poor
Criteria Feedback
Demonstrates some relevant research through primary and secondary examples (e.g., Aerie and Dove campaigns)
Includes comparative observations that hint at analytical thinking
Reflective conclusion shows genuine learning progress and evaluation of skills
Source credibility varies and selection criteria are not critically evaluated
Analysis remains predominantly narrative with limited systematic argumentation
Discussion lacks sustained evaluation and counter-perspectives are noted but under-developed
3.1·Suggestion
Page 6• Click to view
Analysis of tanning culture in the 1980s is descriptive but could better connect to Barbie’s physical design changes by citing specific doll releases as case studies.
3.2·Weakness
Page 8• Click to view
The statement on Barbie’s Fashionistas line making dolls “more inclusive” needs supporting data—cite survey results or sales figures to demonstrate impact.
3.3·Suggestion
Page 9• Click to view
The section on Christie and Teresa effectively illustrates racial representation, but could discuss why body uniformity persisted despite ethnic diversification.
3.4·Strength
Page 14• Click to view
The inclusion of Aerie and Dove campaigns provides strong secondary evidence of broader body-positive movements that parallel Barbie’s evolution.
3.5·Suggestion
Page 15• Click to view
Discussion of anti-aging products could be deepened by contrasting this trend with the expanding body-positive lines, highlighting tension in contemporary standards.
3.6·Strength
Page 22• Click to view
The reflection in the conclusion on how analytical and citation skills improved is evaluative and shows genuine learning progress.
Criteria D: Presentation
2/4
0
2
4
Criteria Strands
D.1Structure appropriateness
Moderate
D.2Layout considerations
Poor
Criteria Feedback
Follows a conventional structure (abstract, chapters, conclusion, works cited)
Essential formatting elements (title, word count, page numbers) are present
Section numbering and sub-heading labeling are inconsistent
Citation formatting and figure captions are erratic, and some material intrudes into the main text
Tone shifts into first-person commentary, disrupting academic voice
4.1·Weakness
Page 2• Click to view
The table of contents follows a basic structure but shows inconsistent capitalization (e.g., “6.work cited”) and irregular numbering. Correct these for a professional layout.
4.2·Weakness
Page 4• Click to view
The sentence ending “However, this” is incomplete, interrupting the flow. Ensure each paragraph concludes with a full, coherent idea.
4.3·Suggestion
Page 13• Click to view
The caption for Figure 2 should specify the year range and source URL more precisely to reinforce credibility and enable verification.
4.4·Suggestion
Page 16• Click to view
The first-person commentary (“It's really exciting…”) in this section shifts tone. Maintain a formal academic voice for consistency.
